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joke

*tyfuck By *tyfuck   11 public photos on profile (M) 17 weeks ago

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an intruder as just been found in susan boyles knickers.the police have caught him. when questioned he said i just called to say i love you,ionly wanted to give her some stick.

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By  *nedayinyourlife    profile verified by photo premium paying member 18 public photos on profile (M) 17 weeks ago

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Gordon Brown goes on a state visit to Israel . While he is on a tour of

Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and passes away. The undertaker tells

the British Diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for

£5,000,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land , for just £100.'

The British Diplomats go into a corner and discuss for a minute. They

come

back to the undertaker and tell him they want Gordon shipped home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend £5,000,000 to

ship

him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend

only £100? With the money you save you could help pay back some of the

deficit, help pay for the Olympic Games or help the elderly'.

The British Diplomats replied, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here,

and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk.'

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By  *tevy123    profile verified by photo premium paying member 17 public photos on profile (M) 17 weeks ago

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so true

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By  *nedayinyourlife    profile verified by photo premium paying member 18 public photos on profile (M) 17 weeks ago

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ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are

dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF:Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines

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*tyfuck By *tyfuck   11 public photos on profile (M) 11 weeks ago

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david cameron is being driven down the road when his driver hits a strange animal and kills it,he gets out and cant decide if its a cat or a dog,but sees it as a tag on it,strange he says the twat on it and his address,so he sends his driver to tell the owners, a hour goes past and the driver returns smoking a big cigar and drinking vintage champaine and his clothes ripped to shreads,how did it go david asks well all i said i am camerons driver and i killed the twat the woman gave me the cigar the old man gave me the champers and the daughter a 19 year old stunner ripped me clothes off and shagged me senceless

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By *oggyn   profile verified by photo 40 public photos on profile (TV/TS/CD) 11 weeks ago

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woman in a wheel chair by the river bank,crying her eyes out,fella trying to fish,gets pissed off goes over to ask her whats up,i am 30yrs old and never been huuged,so he hugs and goes back to his fishing,she is still crying,now whats up? i've never been kissed,so he gives her a huge wet smacker of a kiss and goes back to resume,she is still crying,what the hell is it now?,i've never been fucked,so he pushed her in the river,and said "now your well and truly fucked"

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*occob By *occob  (M) 11 weeks ago

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which animal has an asshole in the middle of his back?-a police horse

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