By (user no longer on site) 50 weeks ago
+add as contact
I'm a married closet-bi, and - sorry but have to admit - ashamed of not so much my homosexual side, but my abject failure in being unable to repress it. So whilst cross-dressing might alleviate the guilt, maybe I've always craved humiliation as a sort of self-imposed punishment..?
Take cottaging as an example. Most of my many encounters were with essentially straight men just looking for what their wives/gfs refused to give and afterwards they just wanted to get away asap, leaving me discarded like nothing more a used tissue. Maybe sad, but being swore at and verbally abused was better, especially if they used derogatory terms such as "queer" or faggot", and adding "cunt" gets me really hot.
I also preferred the more unattractive partner, dirty old men when I was younger, then "rough-trade", as well as abasing myself before the cameras - and at the hands of - of elderly perverts and fetishists. Then when I worked away and lived alone, from a desk in my rented apartment, I was a more-or-less full-time tv receiving casual callers and appointed workmen etc, dressed as a woman. Only once did I have a really adverse reaction, mostly it was _emused amusement and I liked to think of them laughing about the tranny at Flat 4a with their mates. I finally came under the control of a sissy-Master and, when she stayed, his Thai fiancée who was my Mistress, and gladly suffered whatever humiliations and indignities they demanded.
Nowadays, although I no longer meet, I still cross-dress whenever I can and crave humiliation if only verbal abuse and profanity by text/phone/cam (as several on here can testify..) So to answer the original thread: No, you're not alone in this...